Hot Tea
by John Pascal
Summary: Eren accidentally knocks over a cup of tea. So naturally, Levi gets a little upset. Parody of explicit smutty tea sex one-shot. Contains some explicit smutty tea sex. Edit: Accidentally posted wrong file. It should be displaying the correct one now.


**Disclaimer: I own all of these characters. I'm secretly Hajime Isayama.**

**Just Kidding! I'm actually Akira Toriyama…**

**Wait, what? It wasn't funny the first time? Okay, fine. I'm not either of those two.**

**This is parody yadda yadda don't take all of my money. Or rather, don't take any of the money that I don't have.**

* * *

Eren had just gasped as the cup of tea fell. Levi had just come home from work. He had just helped himself to a cup of tea. And Eren had just bumped into him, carrying a stack of books. Despite their mutual confusion over who was carrying what, the two crashed into each other and dropped lots of stuff in the process. The teacup itself, miraculously, did not break. But the freshly made tea had splattered across not only the floor, but over Levi's boots and pants as well.

"I—I'm sorry…," Eren muttered, looking at the mess. Levi glared up at him and Eren let out a whimper. "I—I'll get you another cup. And I'll clean it up, sir."

Sir. Eren hadn't called him that in a while; it only arose whenever he knew something.

"No," Levi said, sitting back on the chair that Eren could swear wasn't there before. "Stop using pronouns, Eren. It makes it really hard to understand what you're trying to say. And you can get me another cup _after _you clean it up, brat."

"I don't know what to say…"

Levi pointed to the floor. "Lick it up. Hands and knees. Brat"

Eren shuddered. "But… what about all the books on the floor? Shouldn't we get them away from the spill before cleaning up the tea?"

"Did I stutter?" Levi backhandedly slapped Eren.

"No Rivaille-Dono, Yamete!"

Levi was mad; he glared at Eren expectantly as he pointed at the floor. Eren sighed and kneeled down. He looked up at Levi one last time before putting his face to the floor to actually lick up the spilled tea. Levi raised an eybrow.

Eren arched his back, his rear up and on display. His tongue licked at the tea, careful to avoid the pile of books scattered on the floor. There was a flush over his cheeks from being so embarrassed. Earlier there was another flush over his cheeks from being so close to the toilet. Levi looked him over and palmed his face at such a thought before Eren sat up.

"What are you doing?"

"You got it on your fingers too," Eren said, taking Levi's hand. He smirked as he brushed Levi's fingertips across his lips. "_Sir._"

He slid two of Levi's fingers into his wet mouth, pressing his tongue against them. Between them, around them. He watched the expression on Levi's face change from _cocky_ to a sudden shy red. He pushed them as deep as they would go into his mouth, wrapped his soft lips around them and sucked hard as he pulled them out.

Eren licked his lips. "Better?"

"You shitty little… **my hands didn't have any tea on them!**" Levi screamed.

He pushed Eren back in anger and fell on top of him straddling his waist. He caught Eren's lips in a passionate kiss, claiming him with a deep sigh. He ran his hands down Eren's toned body, pushing up his shirt. Eren let out a soft groan.

"The tea… it's still…"

As one of the two keenly noticed, the tea was steadily spreading. It was all over Eren's shirt and along his arms. It was making a sticky mess on the floor. Levi smirked and sat up, tugging Eren's shirt again.

"Take it off," Levi ordered.

"But then," Eren paused dramatically. "I'll get wet."

Levi moaned and said, "Baby, you're all wet already."

Eren let Levi pull the shirt off. He fell back against the floor, the little tea puddle splashing underneath the pile of books. Levi leaned down, pressing his hips to Eren's ad nibbling on his collarbone.

"See? It's better."

"Mhhhmmm….," Eren moaned, nodding his head. He leaned his head back, letting Levi suckle his collarbone and up to his neck. Eren wrapped his arms around Levi's shoulders, ushering him on, keeping him close.

"Your pants are wet too. You know what, mine are too. We should probably get our clothes washed before the stain sets in. "

Eren's cheeks flushed red. Levi breathed the words onto his neck between little bites. Levi pulled away, sitting back and watching Eren with stern eyes.

"Well?" One of the two asked.

Eren whimpered when Levi's weight left him. With slow hands, he reached down, unbuttoning his pants. He raised his hips, just enough to slide his pants down and peel them off his legs. Levi placed a gentle kiss to his hair covered thigh and grabbed his boxers.

"There are going too. It's only logical," Levi said.

"No it's not," Eren retorted. "My boxers aren't even wet."

"Look, we can't have sex if you're still wearing your boxers and please lots of impressionable young women in the process," Levi answered.

He did not give Eren a change to protest any further. He tore the boxers right off and tossed them into a pile with the other clothes. Eren was fairly sure that that pile wasn't there before either.

"L-Levi… I'm all dirty… the tea!"

Levi reached up onto the table and grabbed the teapot. He tipped it over Eren and let it run over his body. The confusion of where that table and teapot came from fell out Eren's mind, letting out a shout of agony as the tea burned his skin.

"Brat."

Levi leaned down and teased a tea-burned nipple between his teeth. A tear rolled down Eren's face as he wrapped his legs around Levi's waist as tight as he could. His entire body was shaking and Levi hadn't even touched him... aside from Levi's teeth touching his nipple a few seconds ago.

When he pulled away again, Eren made a protesting whimper. He looked up at Levi with dizzy eyes. His legs were still open, his body exposed and reddened from a mix of hot tea and sweat. He had a burning erection and could not hide it, much like the skin that had just been freshly burned on his torso.

"Levi…," Eren said softly. He let his hands fall between his legs, but Levi caught him quickly.

Levi pulled Eren into a sitting position, kissing him hard. But he kept Eren's hands pinned and away from his aching body. Tea dripped off the teen's shoulders, down his bare back. The thirty year old man nipped at Eren's shoulder and pushed him against the chair.

"Knees, brat," Levi commanded, grabbing Eren by the waist and moving him around.

Eren heard the familiar sound of a zipper being pulled and his legs started to shake in anticipation. He rested his arms on the chair in front of him, moving onto his knees and arching his back. Levi watched with hawkish eyes, not understand what exactly Eren was doing. Eren spread his legs, the tea cooling on his skin once it hit the air. Levi ran a finger along Eren's ass.

"AHH! Levi please!" Eren cried. Levi pressed a kiss to the small of Eren's back, wherever that is, while working a long finger in him.

"Please what? You shit?" Levi breathed as he rubbed Eren's quivering thigh. He pushed his finger deeper. "You better not have shit, my finger's still in there."

"S—Sir! Please!" Eren shouted, rocking back on Levi's hand. He slammed his hand on the chair as Levi pushed two more fingers in. "I need—AH!"

Levi pressed his fingers hard against that sensitive spot in Eren's body. He watched the young boy fall forward, grabbing on to the chair.

"You need what? A… _brofist?_" Levi rammed his clenched fist down…

* * *

"Yeah, okay. So I'm gonna have to stop you right there, Mr. Arlert. It's Ar-lert right?" A voice echoed from the speaker.

"You can just call me Armin," Armin said.

"Alright then, Armin. First question: Why is Eren in Levi's house? Actually wait, whose house is this and why are both of them there?"

"You know, I thought I'd just skip all the exposition and just jump right into the good stuff," Armin replied. "I mean, come on! Nobody's reading this for the story! They just want the sexy times, right?"

"Okay, second question: Why are there a bunch of obscure references all over the place?" The man asked.

Armin explained, "Well, personally I don't think that Shutter Island is very obscure."

"Lastly, and I mean no offense, why did you make the characters a thirty year old and a minor?" The man asked.

"The better question is, how much will you pay me to make it about a thirty year old and a minor?" Armin expertly countered.

A smirk stretched across the bald man's face as he said, "You're gonna go far in this business."

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**I received permission from lunatrancy before I wrote this parody of Tea Break. Check it out if you'd like to see a more serious version of this.**

Oh man this is so much less stressful than parodying television episodes. If you're wondering what that last part with Armin and the Bald guy is about then I highly recommend you take a look at TFS's DBZA Movies: Dead Zone Abridged.


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